misc

Ex Social Media

Family Friday: Rainy Season

With Tweetdeck’s subscriber-only model comes the death of Twitter for me. 

Yes, it was long in the tooth. Yes, it hadn’t been updated in years (until recently). But darn it, Tweetdeck was my version of Twitter: comprehensive, time-based, multiple accounts on one screen, and so simple to use. 

Up to now, all the drama around the sale of Twitter and its loathsome owner hadn’t affected me. I built a comfortable corner of the platform – full of photographers, Mac enthusiasts, and funny Simpsons accounts. It was quiet, and I only saw what I wanted to see. My Twitter break last February helped even more because I eliminated a lot of political Twitter that affected my mental wellbeing. 

Now that Tweetdeck is paid-only, I don’t see much value in the platform.

  • I want to see posts in the order they’re posted.
  • I don’t want to see random posts from accounts I don’t follow.

Those two simple requests alone leave much of Twitter useless to me now. And the lack of third-party clients, establishing some order and preferences, makes it worse.

For so long, I got Twitter. Unlike many of my IRL colleagues and friends, it seemed built for people like me. I built up a lot of good online relationships on Twitter. I shared my photos, got great ideas, and “met” tons of people with similar interests. I don’t know where those will go now, but maybe it’s back to following blogs and email newsletters exclusively. Another social media network isn’t what I need.

I need a good, reliable platform. Twitter’s not that. Not anymore. 

See you somewhere else. 

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Salsa Night

For our anniversary, I reserved a Salsa Night out for my wife and me last weekend.

Since we didn’t know how to salsa dance, I tried to reserve pre-show lessons for us. However, the lessons were all sold out.

That meant we were going into an unfamiliar dance night as total rookies.

“We can do this,” I thought. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

The music was great, and the dancers who readily joined the dance floor were impressive to watch. What about us?

My first idea was to get the rhythm down and do anything I could to get comfortable with salsa.

The beat? Four-four. But the rhythm was one-two, one-two, so while I sat in my chair, I tapped out the steps with my feet, mimicking the dancers in front of me. Once I had that, I felt like I could improvise the rest.

And since we were on a rare date night, just my wife and me, away from the kids, there was a little pressure to have a bit of extra fun and make this evening memorable.

To calm our nerves, we got up to slow dance during one of the ballads. We had done this dozens of times before. But while we were slow dancing, the rhythm changed just a bit – more of a swing – so we added some swagger to our slow dancing to feel it out. This was a good warm-up.

When we sat back down, I went back to feet-tapping the rhythm, slowly pounding out some courage to go up and truly salsa dance on the floor. Then my wife and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

“Let’s salsa,” I said, shrugging, as I grabbed my wife’s hand and went out to boogie.

And you know what? We had a great time. First, no one noticed us. Everyone was either watching the band or the more proficient dancers all around us.

Second, we were having so much fun that we didn’t worry about what we looked like. Sure, we tripped up a few times, and I awkwardly tried to spin my wife around like I saw those other dancers do. But we never stopped smiling and we never slowed down – even during the line dance that I couldn’t quite get perfect.

Nerves turned into laughter, and self-consciousness turned into being in the moment. We giggled as we occasionally stumbled off the beat.

Sometimes, we don’t know all we need to know to succeed—or even to have fun. That’s fine because, with a little bit of self-made comfort and practice, you can easily make the most of a situation with low stakes and high enjoyment.

On this Salsa Night, joy trumped comfort. We were there to have fun together, and step by step, we earned it.

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Breaking Habits

I’m not Catholic, but I do love the idea of giving stuff up for a limited time from now through Easter. I’m in the Ben Franklin school of self-experimentation, and I’ve been giving up things I love for years. Potatoes, coffee (ugh! that was a rough one), alcohol – limitations are good, and knowing you can survive without these things builds character. 

This video by HealthyGamerGG kick-started my flirtations with Lent deprivation this year. I was initially attracted to the title (“Why Finding Purpose Is SO HARD Today”), but after watching, Dr. Alok Kanojia’s points made a lot of sense about life in general.

I do tend to stuff my brain with external stimuli. I don’t let myself get bored anymore. And while I’ve taken up meditation again this year, it is a bummer to read social media all the time and not have time to just sit and think. 

So for Lent, I gave up Twitter. 

Twitter is a trashbin on fire these days, with all the behind-the-scenes ownership and business fumbles it’s made. I choose not to follow that stuff closely, but I have noticed that Twitter mostly brings me negative news. It’s a bummer to scroll through tweets every day.  Giving it up means not allowing that negativity into my brain. It also means more quiet time to do something else.

Like edit photos! Or take photos! Or anything else that actually brings me joy.

While this blog post will appear on Twitter, thanks to a WordPress plugin, I won’t see it or the reaction. Instead, I can devote more time to being bored, thinking about my purpose, and reducing my overall anxiety.

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If You Could Ask Yourself

Hale Again

A recent Roderick on the Line episode brought up a fun thought experiment:

If you went back and updated your 16-year-old self on where you are today, would your teenage self consider you a “success?”

To me, “success” is a multi-faceted metric. Success in your career? Or success in your goals? How about where you are, and who you’re with? Would your younger self even know what you’re talking about in terms of a job or hobbies (try explaining blogging in 1997)? 

Overall, I think my teenage self would consider my adult self successful, based on a few measurements:

Career: I’ve always wanted to do something with writing. I left for college knowing I wanted to be a journalist. While that didn’t pan out, I did have a short career in journalism and used my writing skills to make stories in the corporate world. I also had a life goal to do something at the University of Michigan – either a degree or a career – and I accomplished that in my last job at the museum of art.

Hobbies: My younger self was involved in playing card games and video games, taking photos during social activities, and traveling. And what do you know, my adult self enjoys doing all of those things as well, to varying degrees. Photography, for instance, is now a core part of who I am. Traveling is something my family and I do constantly, and always will. I still read The Lord of the Rings trilogy every few years. I probably watch a little less professional wrestling than I did at 16, but some of my heroes have stuck with me. 

Life in General: I’m happily married with three great kids, living in my sometimes-hometown, and comfortably middle class and socially active. I spend time with my family, I enjoy going out to eat, and I see my friends – not like I did at 16, but often enough. I’m not rich, but I never expected to be (I just knew I didn’t want to be poor again).

I score a 10/10 on almost all three of those metrics. Where would my teenage self be disappointed? Maybe in something like, I’m not a novel writer like I maybe thought I’d be. Or, I never moved far from my roots. 

On the other hand, I didn’t have big goals or ambitions as a young person. I was happy to check the boxes, get my education, get a decent job, and hang out with my friends. If I’ve seen any success over the years, it has not been according to a Grand Plan. Up to now, I’ve been successful only because of luck – and maybe a bit of personal growth, continuing education, and building relationships.

Success is what you make it. My 16-year-old self would be satisfied with all of those things because that’s who I am, and who I’ve always been. 

(Above: another photo from Hale, Michigan, shot on my iPhone 13 mini and edited in Darkroom)

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Forty

It’s not so bad, turning 40.

Mostly, I still feel like I’m in my early to mid 30s. Thirty – now THAT birthday felt monumental: buying a new house, switching jobs. A lot changed that year.

This year? We’re still stuck in a pandemic. I’ve felt on hold for the last 12 months. Maybe I can just skip this birthday?

No, of course not. But mentally, I’m not 40. Perhaps it’s denial. Halfway through life, I feel like I’ve done a tremendous amount of things. Knowing me, I’ve got many more projects on the horizon.

Like my “Thirty Six” project. I just remembered I have that one still unfinished. Time to look through some film photos from four years ago…

 

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Things I Miss

Set Adrift On Memory Bliss

  • Missed the county fair this year. That’s an annual tradition we look forward to every year.
  • I miss not feeling anxious every time one of the kids gets a cough or the sniffles.
  • I miss eating out at restaurants.
  • I miss a time when medical advice wasn’t automatically political.
  • I miss movie theaters.
  • I miss the kids not knowing the name of a particular virus, and begging for it to be over.
  • I miss a time when large wars killed this many people, not a pandemic, recklessness, and stupidity. 
  • I miss jumping on a plane and going somewhere.
  • I miss not feeling anxious when I see people not wearing a mask in public places.
  • I miss in-person work conferences and connecting with people in my industry.
  • I miss concerts and live music.
  • I miss a time when America was a leader in the world for something good.

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So You’re Thinking About Protesting the Coronavirus

Friends, we as Americans have the right to protest and proclaim our rights. But if you’re thinking about protesting, I made this handy guide to thinking through your argument points…and make sure you’re REALLY prepared to protest!

MY RIGHTS ARE BEING TAKEN AWAY!
No, they are not. You can’t yell “fire” in a crowded theatre, and you can’t go boating right now. You can still buy seeds, plant your garden, buy food, get gas – you’re merely being inconvenienced for a short-term period.

If you’re such a big fat baby, maybe protesting isn’t for you?

IT’S MY RIGHT TO GET A HAIRCUT/GO BOATING/GO GOLFING!
Driving isn’t a right, it’s a privilege. You can get those privileges taken away if you’re a dumb shit. Same here: none of those activities are enshrined in either the federal or state constitution. You don’t have the right to go bowling.

Also, it’s spring. It snowed yesterday. Maybe build a snowman instead?

MICHIGAN’S GOVERNOR IS BEING DRACONIAN! SHE’S A NAZI!
Neat. The governor of Ohio – a male, white Republican – has perhaps more drastic measures in place. What is he?

The Nazis discriminated based on race and orientation, loaded people up in trains, and killed them en masse. They tried to take over the world. You can’t go *golfing.*

The last protest had a bunch of white dudes flying dipshit Confederate flags, holding guns, and wearing the same red Made-in-China hats. Who looks like a Nazi?

Maybe read a book instead of protesting?

THIS WHOLE THING IS AN OVERREACH BY OUR GOVERNMENT! IT’S GONE TOO FAR!
Okay. People were doing this during the 1918 Spanish flu. And the communities that isolated stayed alive.

Our government’s first job is to keep its citizens safe and healthy (and deliver the mail, but that’s another point). The evidence shows these measures work, and keep people safe and alive.

If your appendix is going to burst, do you want some politician, preacher, or news network talking head doing surgery on you? No. We listen to experts because they know what they’re talking about. They have experience. They can do the work.

Apart from government, businesses also see the need to close facilities and keep their employees safe. Are they wrong?

BUT THE ECONOMY!
Yep, it sucks. Makes you wonder why the federal government is giving loans to giant businesses who don’t need them instead of small businesses that do…

Maybe you should protest in Washington, DC instead!

THE CORONAVIRUS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN THE FLU! WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?
Great! Let someone with COVID-19 sneeze in your face.

And isn’t it weird that a lot of those protestors were wearing masks. What’s the big deal?

LIBERATE VIRGINIA/MICHIGAN/MINNESOTA!
Go fuck yourself.

Hope this guide helps you block hospitals treating their patients with your “I NEED A HAIRCUT” sign and put more people in danger!

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Contrary

I’m always rooting for the contrarian. If you have an idea or system that goes against the norm, I’m almost already on board.

That’s why Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson’s book, It Doesn’t Have to Be Crazy At Work, was an instant buy for me. The founders of Basecamp, Jason and David run a successful software company and keep sane about it. No “sprints,” no 60 hour work weeks, no demanding work from their employees on weekends. The key word is calm.

It flies in the face of most of what you hear about the tech world. Everyone from startups to video game companies are working their staff to literal death. But it’s not just tech – plenty of businesses demand too much time and attention from their team members. I see it all the time.

In my younger days, I could handle a 50 or 60 hour week, easily. In fact, when my first company held a lot of community events, I gladly signed up for the overtime, since all that money ended up in my pocket. Now, though, it’s different: I have a family, obligations, and a house to maintain. That’s not to mention hobbies, some leisure time, maintaining friendships, and making progress on projects around the house.

I’m protective of my time. That’s why the ideas behind It Doesn’t Have to Be Crazy At Work were so appealing: making projects manageable, not constantly chasing after profit and growth, giving people time to consider big ideas and projects, valuing sleep and self care.

I lived one idea – four day work weeks during the summer – first hand at my first higher education job. There were two summers where we took Fridays off, and what a benefit. Time with my family, long weekends to take little vacations, opportunities to rest up before the craziness of the fall, when the students returned. Taking Fridays off didn’t bankrupt the business, or turn everyone into lazy slobs. It simply was, until August, and then it wasn’t. In most business environments, if you suggested taking Fridays off in the summer, you’d get laughed out of the office.

Like CJ Chilver’s A Lesser Photographer, the book offers some sanity in all the craziness. Where CJ’s book said don’t buy into the photography hype, Jason and David’s book says don’t buy into overworking. Buy, instead, into calm.

It’s contrarian, for good reason. It Doesn’t Have to Be Crazy At Work says there’s another way, a different way, worth trying.

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Journal, With A Bullet

I’ve dipped my toes into the Bullet Journal pool.

For two months now, I’ve been logging my daily activities, organizing my tasks, and laying out my appointments and meetings in this handy journal, using a no-frills approach to the Bullet Journal philosophy. Basically, I took what I was doing using Things and paper lists and combining that workflow into one canonical place: a notebook.

(And a cheap-o one at that. Nothing fancy.)

The basic idea is that you write your task list and appointments down on paper, month by month. Whatever you don’t get done each month transfers to the next month. Along the way, you make decisions about those tasks – like, should they even be in there?

From there, you use an index system at the front of the notebook to keep tabs on the various months, task lists, projects, and reference lists you keep in the journal. And then it’s up to you to add whatever system you want on top of that basic outline.

I’m still in the very early stages of using this system, but already I’ve noticed a few things:

  • If I need to do or remember something, I have one place to put it now. Before, I was using paper, my phone, or nothing.
  • If I have a task to do, having a reference to look at has been super helpful. “What can I do right now?” Check the journal, and it’s there. I am finding I’m actually getting more done.
  • There’s a bit of personality involved – such as noting the first time we went to the ice cream shop, or writing down a memorable moment in the daily log. It’s a journal in the truest sense.
  • You can get crazy with pictures and taxonomies and ink colors, but I’m keeping it simple, or putting in a splash of color when I feel like it. No pressure to do either, because it’s mine, and only I look at it.
  • I’m logging my fitness goals in the journal, and boy – it’s a real sense of accomplishment to see my commitment on paper.

Other digital systems have never quite stuck with me, whether those systems involve an app (Things), a device (my iPhone), or notes (Apple Notes, Simplenote, etc.). Maybe all I needed was a notebook and a pen.

I’m still living the Getting Things Done® lifestyle, with projects and weekly reviews and all that. The journal keeps all that in one spot, and gives me direct, immediate feedback on how I’m doing. At the minimum, the system requires a monthly review.

The combo of iOS Reminders, my Apple Calendar (on Mac and iOS), and the Bullet Journal has been key with appointments, meetings, birthdays, etc. Writing down an event on paper is fine, but I still need my phone to buzz and remind me of upcoming dates.

Photography-related: I have a whole @Photos project in here with to-do items, lists of ideas, and potential blog posts. Again, it’s an on-paper reference – one canonical source for photography stuff.

Habits are hard to establish. I feel like GTD has been an easy at-work habit, but maybe not such an easy life habit. With this journal system, I may finally have the platform to get things done in all areas of my life.

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Two Weeks Off

It’s a weird time right now. I have two weeks off in between the old job and new one. I’m car shopping, I’m playing stay at home dad. And I’m thinking about the future for the first time in a while.

There’s the portrait project that I need to restart and finish this summer. Should I get into the studio space again? Will my head be ready?

Summer is not far away. What’s our vacation going to look like this year? What will the new job entail? Where’s Madelyn going to go to school in the fall?

It’s probably too much, and I’m probably not ready. So I’m back living day to day, capturing the sunshine as it comes, and getting the house ready for the warmer weather. These two weeks, I’m taking it as it comes.

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